Look it’s October, well October enough. So for one glorious month we get graced with so many delicious sugary treats. One of my personal favorites is Franken Berry.

It’s strawberry and lucky charms marshmallows what else do you need to know? Plus it’s always fresh, because they don’t sell them year round for some reason. They have like 15 different types of Cheerios and don’t get me started on all the different variations on Frosted Flakes.

That’s more Frosted Flakes than the Goul Cereals even if you take into account the two often over looked members of Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy. Seriously you think it’s rough on Franken and Boo Berry with being only seasonal. Frute Brute is lucky to see shelves every three years.

Which oddly enough they tasted like that Mario Amiibo Cereal that came out with Odyssey. The whole monster line packs a sharp bite. They are very flavor foward. If it says berry you bet your bippy you are getting berry. Just it tends to be not as sweet as a berry cereal is. Rather they glaze on them adds the sweetness. So once they get stale they lose that sugar crisp crunch but also they will shed that sweetness and keep the rough bitter bite. Leading to most people’s negative view on it. It’s part of the big three obviously.

But is it really? Or dare I say it’s two of the big three cereals. A closer look at the marshmallows will reveal the truth once and for all. Count Chocula has chocolate marshmallows. Boo Berry has blue berry, vanilla, and strawberry marshmallows. Franken Berry is much the same just flip the order for dramatic effect.

Count Chocula killed a man and ripped him in two. His body stitched up and reanimated his soul given form and cursed to be a mockish imitation of his own body. Just look at the portraits. The bone structure, the smile, the half ensemble each of them wear. It’s been in front of us this whole time. But why the clues? What purpose is this mysterious marketing maneuver? Why expose his own terrible secret? It would be much easier to just cover it up. Go with a different ghost… Oh wait he did.

So dare I ask what happens when you mix the body and spirit back together binding them with the profane immortality of the chocolate that ripped them asunder? Nothing, at first.

But as you gaze upon it you start to feel dread. An unease starts creeping up your spine as you know the last thing required. The living fluid, such unclaimed milk. The sour sweet gift of a mother spilt not into the mouth of her child yet splashed across the remains of corn crisply defiled into the iconography of the occult. As it hisses and crackles to life the spoon feels heavy in your fingers. Trembling as you sink it into the ceramic crucible of melting grains and sugars. Slowly turning into a slurry of sin as the real truth of everything dawns on you. Halloween is stupid and you were tricked into buying three boxes of cereal you wouldn’t even touch at a breakfast bar at a hotel for free any other time of the year. But you better hurry up and pound down those three boxes of disappointment because soon…