Buying new snacks is always a risk. Sometimes it’s not because they are bad, but just not your flavor. Like these Japanese Mario Soda Gummies. They taste like and makes my nose feel like I just filled my mouth with dish soap. Just this odd intentional way. So it might be your thing. Let’s be honest I bought it because it was Mario.

Kinda anyway, they look sad. They smell fuzzy kinda? I have to say that they managed to let me down in every regard. For such simple shapes they aren’t very well defined. Which I at first I thought it was because they were so dark. That is until I held it to the light. Revealing what can only be described as “that thin layer of fat between fish scales and meat” texture. A visual that did no favors to it’s tallowy gnawable unbreaking bounce it had.

I eat a lot of gummies and these are high quality but miss the mark in everyway. From the sickly color to its incredibly soap forward notes which anyone would likely be put off by. Enhancing the little failings that like, you never notice that they aren’t there until you go looking for it. Good gummies have a juicy snap. Here we have almost a lack of moisture. A nightmare if dry gummy as if you apologize for the old 3Deez Mario gums I used to eat as a kid. Those little beasties were uncomfortably moist. God help you if the package was warm. Then it tended to have an almost bug like sloosh accompanying each mouthful. Boiled shrimp, that’s the texture I was thinking of.

I can’t advise buying them for yourself. Now as a gift do it. Giving odd knowingly bad gifts is a hobby of mine. A good gift is something your friend wouldn’t buy for themselves. A great gift is one they definitely won’t be buying again.

It was a unique experience to say the least. Like those new Reese’s Cups that I picked up.

Atleast this time I was surprised. I went in expecting to hate this. It wasn’t better than a regular one. It wasn’t good, that’s for damn sure. Somehow you get this chocolate pretzel kinda taste. Just with a rice crispies crunchy mouth feel.

If I had to sum it up in two words, oppressively greasy. That special type of oily where it starts to feel as if it’s pouring from your cheeks. Giving you a few hours of manic face rubbing as you forget if you are it or just smeared it all over your face. Still in the sake of fairness that tends to happen with most of the bigger Reese’s Cups. Gonna blame it on the loosely called peanut butter they fill them with, and let me tell you adding salt did it no favors. The cream becoming more of a nut foam than anything else. The omission of peanut was very much intentional. It looses the peanut flavor almost completely. That’s why I get a pretzel vibe. Sweet salty carbs which let’s be real is always satisfying.

It easily makes the list of candy bars I’ll eat but not buy. Somewhere between a Take 5 bar and a Whatchamacallit. If anything it is proof of how much of a gamble random sancks are. Then again we have times you know it will be awful, and somehow it still straight up surprises you. For that we have to bring up this article’s MVP.

So what do you think it tastes like? Watermelon fruit punch filtered through chewed up Big Red gum? No? Well you will be surprised to know it’s exactly that. In something called Flamin’ Hot there is no heat, unless we are talking heart burn. It’s an anti soda. Everything refreshing is replaced by it’s opposite. Instead of sweet you get mild, instead of a cool throat you get scratchy snotty flem build up, and instead of a sense of relaxation you get a helping of flop sweats and stomach cramps. Still an unpleasant experience, but even here it let me down. I wanted spicy sour nasty juice. I mean Flamin’Hot tastes gross anyway. It’s what I would expect from someone making a chemical alternative to hot sauce. Flamin’ Hot is like sugar free Peeps to actual candy. Nothing like it, just flavor adjacent. So nobody can blame you for not branching out to something new. Yet much like bad movies you can find something enjoyable in a bad snack, even if it’s just how not any good at all it is. I always try to get one or two new snacks each week myself. Sure long time readers will have figured that out by now. Often it’s nothing worth noting. Like chatting up a stranger on line, typically about the horrible mess that is my cart’s contents. There was a time before I bought my first box of Pocky. Just ya know, that’s a low risk there. Chocolate covered bread stickish cookies have never steered me wrong before.

Snacks are one of the last few things that serve no purpose. It doesn’t need to be healthy, it doesn’t need to be entertaining, and it’s just a little treat for you. We take bigger gambles on video games costing between five and fifty dollars or more. Not to forget the hours eaten up from failed Netflix picks or worse bring stuck in a theater watching Resident Evil’s movie adaptation only to have just watched Cube a few days before. So the whole film not only failed to be Resident Evil, it failed to surprise you with it’s fancy traps. Yet atleast you come out of it with a better appreciation for the hood things you already found. So until next time pop over to the discord and let me know what random things you happened to come across lately. If I can track them down I’ll try and give them a go here myself. If not well I’m sure something else will pop up along the way. Like these terrible Yam Chips from waaaaay back when Action Couch Life started. Spoiler, they weren’t good either.